For an old friend and his even older car…
Before bed, I recollected these musings: Number one: If you ever reached to pick something from the floor, I would put my hand on the corner of the table above for you. Number two: I have a new favorite pair of crimson red shoes that I love and that you’ll never get to see.
Every few days, I think about you, your black car and your clever mouth. Driving around the city looking for nothing but beautiful places and sharing strange ideas. Who is your favorite Grey’s Anatomy character? least favorite more like. What would you do if I died tonight?.
I still hold very dearly to the memory of you asking me to jump off a bridge together. “I think I want to die in this car,” you said confidently, because that was the only way you knew how to, “We should do it together, we should drive it off of Homer’s bridge. We’d be young and beautiful forever…” I laughed and told you I already had an appointment to die very very old. You said fine.
It feels like I’m turning into you, committed to nothing and everything, with idiosyncratic tendencies and self-critical philosophies. I’ve changed a lot since I last saw you. I lost my eye for painting, now I only write, and the overwhelming majority of the time I have nothing to say. If I were to paint, I’d paint Homer’s bridge, with its dirty brick walls and its plain, uninteresting view, just to commit it all to memory. I’d paint that old black car, the mythological creature it was, with a missing seat and dangerously worn out tires. But what an ugly sight it would all be.
I close my books and my tabs and I go to sleep, never dreaming of you, never dreaming of Homer’s bridge, never dreaming of our quests to find beautiful places, and never really caring if you’d aprove of my new ways or not. But every once in a while, I buy a pair of beautiful shoes and all I can think about is that you’ll never get to see them.
notes…
a short little musing before a long night. Thank you so very dearly for reading xx
from the heart,
Nicté
this was absolutely beautiful!! such a lovely piece with such a strong voice and beat :)